...

I've come to realize something.  I started this blog only a few days ago and I've had a post almost every day since.  I don't know what it means but as I see it, there are two possible realities, if not both:

1.) I am a controlling and angry person.  I get upset about every little wrongdoing of my boyfriends and it's making me explode.  Hell, this blog as of right now, is an Ode to him and what makes me angry in our relationship.

2.)  I am not in a good relationship.  We fight a lot.  He hurts me and things don't seem to be changing.  We don't see eye-to-eye on many everyday things (i.e. texting whereabouts).  We love each other so much, but for some reason, it seems that we are just trying to change the other person, rather than compromise.

I don't want to be without him, I'm not sure I should be with him.  I may very well be holding on to a fantasy that I've planned out in my head.  I can go from thinking he is the one, to exploding with rage and saying some hateful things (clearly a fault on my end).  It breaks my heart to have these thoughts. 
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
I do not know what I can do.

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